what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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