you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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