This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
