Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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