My sheets look like a crime scene.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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