Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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