she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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