remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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