she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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