I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
