Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
