Welp...herpes.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
