getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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