This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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