I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
