i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
