My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
