she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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