I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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