Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
