Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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