i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
