I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize