i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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