did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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