Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
