You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
