It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
