Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
