I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
