All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize