how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
