In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
