I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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