you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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