I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
