we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
