so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
