At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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