Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
