as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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