He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I deserve this hangover.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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