Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I puked a lego.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
