I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He better not be in your backpack
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
