i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
