So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
