I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
