I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
