if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
This is my gift to your gina
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
