There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
