I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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