don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have feelings that need drinking.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Randomize
