Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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