Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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