but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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