in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
