I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
