I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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