believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
where are you?
Hypothermia
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
