the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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