If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
