When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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