Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
