ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
