he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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