PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
