sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
im six kinds of drunk right now
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
