alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
