i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
