Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
